oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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