My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just invented taco cereal.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
