Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
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He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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