"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
