she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
