I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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