Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
