Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize