Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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