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• (806): View more from Texas

  I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this

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• (360): View more from Washington

  You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I can only rely on you and Taco Bell

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE

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• (760): View more from California

  he just fucked me for my cheese..

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups

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