Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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