That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
