when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
