I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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