every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
