There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
