weddingsv make me drug and hornr
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He told me they were just razor bumps!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
