It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
