They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
