it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
