There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
