He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
