that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
