I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
