I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
