Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
