Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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