even my farts smell like vagina
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
