Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
