i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
