3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
