I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am full of burrito and curiosity
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
