yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
