every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
