What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
