I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
