She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
