If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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