yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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