Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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