im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
