im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
