i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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