just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
