his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Help. Why am I so naked?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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