I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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