fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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