Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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