on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
