You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
