it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
