you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
