two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
