You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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