my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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