remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
