Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
