I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
