I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
