Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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