Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
