clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
