So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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