we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
