i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
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I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
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Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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