My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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