2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Buhtt sex?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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