You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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