well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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