I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
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Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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