NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
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i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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