i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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